The effect of constant criticism

It’s a common misconception that autistic individuals lack the ability to perceive others' emotions. This simply isn’t true. Allow me to share an example to illustrate this.

Not long ago, I was on a bus, seated near two women engaged in conversation. One spoke with optimism and warmth, while the other seemed intent on viewing everything negatively.

Here’s a glimpse of their exchanges:

Woman 1: “I saw your holiday photos on Facebook. It looked lovely!”

Woman 2: “Well, it wasn’t my favorite destination, so I was quite disappointed.”

Woman 1: “Did you enjoy the film you saw last week?”

Woman 2: “The movie was okay, but the volume was louder than I’d have liked.”

You get the idea—the negativity was constant throughout the conversation. Although I only listened for about 15 minutes, by the end, I could feel my mood shift just from the tone of their exchange.

This experience made me think about how powerfully the tone of our words impacts others’ emotions. It also took me back to my own childhood, where exposure to unnecessary negativity left its mark. Of course, there are times when addressing challenges or giving constructive feedback is necessary, but a constant stream of negativity can be harmful.

For many neurodivergent children, especially in school, the messages they hear are overwhelmingly critical: “Don’t talk,” “Don’t do that,” “Stop fidgeting.” Even brief exposure to such comments can weigh heavily on a child’s self-esteem and emotional well-being. Over time, this steady drumbeat of negativity can shape how they see themselves and the world.

This is why it’s crucial to be mindful of the tone and frequency of the feedback we give children, particularly those who are neurodivergent. Encouraging positive reinforcement and showing understanding can transform how they perceive themselves. These small, conscious shifts in communication can help children grow into confident, thriving individuals who reach their full potential.