How to support your child with everyday tasks

As parents of autistic children, we all face moments when our child struggles with tasks that seem simple to others—things like brushing teeth, doing homework, or trying new foods. Before we can help, we need to understand why these tasks feel so overwhelming for them. It might be due to sensory sensitivities, difficulties with planning and organization, communication challenges, or anxiety. Often, it's a mix of these.

I once worked with a child who had meltdowns every morning until he had a visual schedule with picture cards for each step. He could move the cards from "to do" to "done," which helped him feel in control and less anxious. Breaking tasks into small, clear steps with pictures made a huge difference.

Finding ways to connect tasks to your child’s interests can also help. If writing at school feels like a battle, asking them to write about something they love might make it more engaging.

Another key strategy is giving choices within tasks. Instead of saying, "Time for a bath," try, "Would you like the blue soap or the green soap tonight?" or "Do you want to put away your toys first or get into pajamas first?" This small shift gives them a sense of control while still getting things done.

What feels small to us might feel enormous to them. Breaking things down, celebrating each step, and creating predictable routines can make everyday tasks easier. I remember when my son was younger, he would remind me if I missed a step in his routine—even the ones he had resisted at first! Predictability reduces anxiety, and over time, resistance often fades.

Understanding their sensory needs is also important. If a child is already overwhelmed, that’s not the time to introduce a new task. Watching for their cues and adjusting as needed can prevent frustration for both of you.

We all have good and bad days. What works one day might not work the next, and that’s okay. No progress is a straight line, but over time, the steps we take to support our children help them build confidence, trust, and skills they’ll carry with them. Helping an autistic child isn’t about forcing compliance—it’s about finding ways to meet their needs while helping them navigate daily life.